So from what I have heard, I can post anything on Tumblr and vent/ what ever I want. I don’t give a FUCK who reads this. I’m NOT posting this for anyone other than myself to pretty much put what I feel into words. >.> I’m confused of what I want. I want more than I can have. I get myself into these situations knowing it’s prolly not a great idea then pay for it in the end. My mind changes about something every two seconds to the point that I don’t even understand how my mind works. It drives me crazy. Which causes me to be constantly stressed. Which lately has brought me to smoking when really I’m not even a huge fan of it until recently. I’ve been going to it to chill me out. I’m loosing my friends. I let people in that end up hurting me. They act like they give a fuck, then show me they really don’t. Do I do something wrong?? no, they just decide to stop liking me. And if i did do something they don’t have the decency to tell me what I did. FUCK PEOPLE! I’m tired of them. I think I’m “addicted” to sadness. Is it for attention? I don’t think so… but who knows. not me. I want to go back to old habits now and again. But I refrain. I believe in God… Or wait do I? I’m not totally sure anymore. I hear and see things from others that make me want to believe, but it’s so difficult. I can’t wrap my mind around Him, but my pastor says you shouldn’t be able to because it’s God! I dont like crying. Especially in front of people. I feel like some people are going to read this and either confront me or judge me. I feel like I’m not only opening up to people I know on this site. But to the world. Which makes me very uncomfortable, but some say it helps so you know. I’ll give it a shot. Dear me, I need to get my shit together. Ima mess. o.O.
